I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
