Sponge bath it is.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
