You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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