Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
