when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
