you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
