This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
