I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
my liver is dry heaving
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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