You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
