And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
