What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
