Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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