Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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