worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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