I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
