i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I will be naked everywhere
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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