This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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