There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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