I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
