I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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