theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
