i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
