Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
