Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
