i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize