i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
