No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
