But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
