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ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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