Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
