her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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