I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
