he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
