My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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