So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize