did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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