My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
