we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
