I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
