Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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