Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
