Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
