I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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