I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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