tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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