party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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