Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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