This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
