dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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