Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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