we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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