i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
