She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
