stop calling my apartment porn island.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
