I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
