If i could tip my vagina, i would.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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