i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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