I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
